


what's beautiful on the outside (isn't quite the same on the inside)

by sebaekslotto



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: AU, Angst, Childhood Friends, College, Fluff, Genderswap, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, New York, Sebaek - Freeform, Unrequited Love, flower shop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-07 14:31:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11625534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sebaekslotto/pseuds/sebaekslotto
Summary: Byun Baekhyun and Oh Sehun have been friends since they were almost too young to remember, but Baekhyun's hidden a secret from him for too long - he was in love with his best friend. But when the flowers he's always loved and cared for become sinister, Baekhyun's secret becomes deadly.





	what's beautiful on the outside (isn't quite the same on the inside)

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the 2nd round of the Sebaek Kingdom ficfest, which ended in early 2017. This fic includes fem! Jongin, scenes with alcohol, a brief non-descriptive smut scene, and includes hanahaki disease, a made-up illness where a person in unrequited love begins to throw up flowers and are doomed to die unless their lover loves them back. There are also descriptions of blood and vomiting. 
> 
> Please enjoy!

The first time Baekhyun saw Sehun was with a bouquet of flowers in his own hands.

"Baekhyunnie, I need you to listen to me," his mother had chastised him when little 7 year old Baekhyun hadn't been able to keep still and was playing with his feet as she talked.

"The new neighbors just moved from South Korea and they have a son around your age! They don't know that much English, so we'll be seeing them a lot while I help them a little. I need you to talk to their son. He's probably so confused being here in America," his mother rambled on and Baekhyun was once again only halfway paying attention.

"I need you to take these flowers over to them, okay? Can you do that for me?" Baekhyun's mother smiled at him as she handed him the bouquet she had been holding, of meticulously placed yellow and pink roses. Baekhyun would later understand the meanings of these, but for now he just loved the pretty plants.

Baekhyun had knocked on the door to the house right next to his own, rocking back on his feet nervously as he waited for someone to answer.

The little kid was just about to yell "Open up!" when a woman opened the door and looked down at him. He thrust out the bouquet of flowers into her face and gave her a big grin, because his mommy always said he was handsome when he smiled.

"It's for you! We're your new neighbors!" He said happily. The woman gave him one of those kind smiles he always got from adults and ushered him in, closing the door after the short boy walked in.

"Sehunnie! It's the little boy from next door! Remember when I said there would be a new friend coming over soon? Come down!" The lady called through the house in Korean and Baekhyun hummed, knowing his mom would be proud of himself for understanding all of it without her help.

That's when Baekhyun first laid eyes on Sehun Oh. He peeked around the corner with wide eyes as he looked at his mother then spotted Baekhyun. He stepped out from behind the wall slowly, giving Baekhyun a good look at him as he neared him nervously. The new boy was taller than Baekhyun and skinny, with brown hair that flopped on his head messily. 

"I have flowers for you!" Baekhyun said in Korean, holding out the flowers for Sehun and the shy boy grinned, his eyes turning into adorable crescents as he let out a giggle and rushed forward. He took the bouquet from Baekhyun and inspected it. 

"Thank you!" Sehun replied as he began to play with the different colored roses, his pale fingers gently caressing the petals. Baekhyun noticed and started rambling.

"My mommy sent me over here to say hi and give you flowers. She says that each flower means something, but I don't know what they all mean yet," Baekhyun stumbled over his words as he tried to explain in Korean, however, he could tell Sehun got the gist of it as he nodded at Baekhyun and looked at the flowers with more wonder in his pretty brown eyes.

"What do they mean?" Sehun asked with a quiet voice that Baekhyun had to strain to hear. He heard that it was a little deeper than his own voice, but it was still really pretty. 

"I think these colors mean friendship," Baekhyun said and Sehun turned to him with a grin and pretty eye crescents. 

"So we're friends, right?" Sehun asked. Baekhyun nodded eagerly, excited at the idea of having a new friend.

"Friends!" He replied with another beam. 

And neither little boy could've imagined how much that small agreement would lead to.

❁❁❁

When school started up in September, Sehun was in the same class as Baekhyun.

Baekhyun immediately felt bad when they went to talk to the teacher and his new friend couldn't say more than a few words. He hadn't realized that he wouldn't be able to know what his classmates or the teacher were saying. Baekhyun and Sehun were always with each other. Baekhyun acted as a translator, whispering quietly in Sehun's ear when the teacher would explain something and talking to him apart from the other kids on the playground. 

Sehun got teased when he stuttered out his answer in accented English, the other kids snickering in a corner of the room as Baekhyun helped him talk. He broke down after getting a failing test grade, admitting he felt so stupid and Baekhyun just gave him a hug, not knowing what to do. All Baekhyun knew was that Sehun was so smart even though the other kids couldn't tell. Baekhyun's heart hurt that day; he didn't like it when Sehun was crying. He missed his friend's pretty smile that made his chest go all warm and fuzzy and his stomach get all fluttery.

As the two boys got older, things started to change. Girls started to notice Sehun and Baekhyun didn't like it when they would giggle and call him handsome. A couple of girls started trying to talk to Sehun and Baekhyun just wanted them to leave, even though Sehun always talked nicely to them and flashed them his pretty smile. Baekhyun didn't like Sehun's pretty smile when it was directed at anyone other than him.

When the two were in sixth or seventh grade, a 12 year old Baekhyun watched as girls started reading books about love and romance. They had crushes and talked about butterflies in their stomachs and staring at people because they thought they were pretty. A couple of them even started dating boys and Baekhyun felt so lost to it all. He'd had butterflies in his stomach when he saw Sehun at the front door of his house, waiting for him or when he saw him at the morning in school.

"Do I love Sehun?" He asked at dinner one day and both of his parents quieted and looked at each other before turning to stare at him. 

"What do you mean by love, Baekhyun?" His mom had asked him. Baekhyun shrugged.

"Well, you care for him, don't you? Then I would say yes, you love him as a friend," she prompted, but she still had a strange look on and Baekhyun didn't know what to say. 

"But doesn't love mean they're special to you? That's what the kids at school say. Don't you and dad love each other?" Baekhyun said quietly. He had a sudden sickening feeling in his stomach, like he had brought up something extremely awkward without meaning to.

"Yes, Baekhyun, we do," His dad said. He had put down his fork and was looking at Baekhyun thoughtfully.

"The girls at school say they love boys," Baekhyun said, staring down at his plate of spaghetti. "Does love only have to be between a boy and a girl? Could I love Sehun?" 

There was a silence. 

"Baekhyun, look at me," his mom said, her tone serious, and Baekhyun met her eyes with his own wide ones. He felt that horrible dread sink in his stomach like he had when he had gotten in trouble that summer for breaking the lamp in the living room.

"Love doesn't have to be between a boy and a girl. But some people don't like that. They want it to only be between a boy and a girl. So we don't talk about it outside of our house, okay? And you're still a little young, so it might be hard to understand," Baekhyun nodded. He hadn't realized it could be a bad thing. _Was it a bad thing to love Sehun?_

"So for now, yes, you love Sehun as a friend. And we're going to leave it at that until you get a little older, okay?" Something had changed in her eyes. She was looking at him with almost something like sadness swimming in them. Baekhyun didn't understand. Nothing she had said was sad.

Baekhyun had laid in his bed that night, thinking about what she had said. Baekhyun couldn't wrap his head around any of it. He tried to focus on what his mother had said, about him and Sehun only loving each other as friends. But something felt off about it. Baekhyun thought he felt more. And he was a little scared.

They were in ninth grade when they found the treehouse.

Baekhyun had been putting together a bouquet in his mother's flower shop while humming happily when Sehun had run inside with a grin. 

"C'mon Baekhyunnie, I want to show you something!" He whined, pulling on Baekhyun's hand impatiently. Baekhyun's heart fluttered at the cute smirk he was wearing on his face, but he had ignored it. His mother managed to catch the pair as she walked out of the storage closet and laughed when Sehun turned to whine to her too, that could she please let Baekhyun leave for a few hours. She waved her approval, giving Sehun permission to drag Baekhyun out of the door, still holding a violet from the unfinished bouquet and smelling faintly of flowers from his shift he had been working.

Sehun had jogged into the woods near their house, making Baekhyun groan as he followed him. The branches unforgivingly hit his arms as he avoided the trees, and he could feel a couple cuts begin to sting as he ran. He found, however, that they didn't hurt so much when he heard Sehun's laugh ring through the air just up ahead.

An abandoned wooden treehouse sat alone in a small clearing and Sehun was already scaling the rope ladder, hanging from where it was tightened around a tall branch. He disappeared into the structure and poked his head out from the window, smiling down at Baekhyun. 

"Do you like it? I found it yesterday," he called. Baekhyun nodded with a grin, looking up at the worn but sturdy structure, running over to the ladder to join his friend. He climbed up to find that it already had a few of the old blankets that had been laying in Sehun's house in one corner, some books sitting in a pile on the floor, and even a poster hanging up on one wall of one of the k-pop groups Baekhyun teased Sehun for listening to but secretly danced along to when he was alone.

"Do you like it? It can be our secret place, you know? It was empty when I came up here, it's probably been abandoned forever," Sehun said thoughtfully and Baekhyun looked at his friend's happy expression, staring at Baekhyun with anticipation.

"It's great," Baekhyun breathed out and Sehun grinned even bigger, his eyes becoming little crescents and Baekhyun's heart sped up again.

"Give me that violet," Sehun said and Baekhyun handed it over to him, having forgotten he was still holding it. Sehun laid it on top of one of the books.

"Perfect," Sehun voiced. "Maybe we'll be able to steal a few more flowers and put them up here. Then it can be just like the inside of the shop."

Baekhyun had a sudden flashback of running around the shop with Sehun when they were in middle school, surrounded by the sweet smelling flowers and trying to guess their meanings. They would both cheat on the guessing, though; there was a huge poster on one wall of the shop that had a whole chart full of the different meanings. He remembered placing a pretty lavender in Sehun's hair and thinking he was gorgeous when he threw his head back and laughed gently. The two of them would always walk home together, smelling faintly of the flowers they had played with.

And now, as Sehun stood in the treehouse, Baekhyun thought he was still gorgeous as he flashed him that same pretty smile Baekhyun always loved. He hoped with all his heart that it would always be this way, just him and Sehun together with the flowers.

But those times were very far gone now.

❁❁❁

A 20 year old Baekhyun wipes his forehead with the back of his hand, sighing. He had been in charge of the flower shop for the whole day so far, and it had been a particularly long one. He put together the bouquet he was currently working on with a practiced carefulness, learned from his years here. His elegant fingers rearranged the beautiful plants to perfection before turning to begin writing down the little note he had been asked to copy on to their scented stationery in a sweeping penmanship his mother had taught him specifically for this purpose.

Baekhyun had grown a fascination for the flowers his family owned and a love for the little shop that always smelled faintly of the plants. He had memorized the chart on the wall behind the counter that showed each meaning of the flowers, and each little bouquet was wrapped up with a layer of meaning that represented what each customer wanted to reveal. It was all poetic and beautiful in his mind.

"Baek!" A familiar voice pulled him out of his flower stupor and he looked up to hear the cute little bell ring above the shop door as it swung open and Sehun walked in. He strided across the little room and reached the counter, leaning against it and beginning to play with the delicate petals on the bouquet.

"Who's this one for?" He asked gently, examining the collection of irises and white jasmines. It was a particularly gentle bouquet, the soft white and pretty purple of the different petals complimenting each other.

"Freshman at the university. I don't know her," Baekhyun replied as he finished the last word on the card with a sweeping line. Sehun watched, amused. 

"I'll never know how you write like that," He said, not for the first time. When Baekhyun looked up to meet his eyes, he saw the other's brown ones shine as he smiled. Sehun always smiled and Baekhyun knew that the expression on his face would forever be the most beautiful thing to him.

"Baekhyun-ah," Sehun said, switching to Korean. Baekhyun didn't bat an eye; the two spoke in both languages so often, he hardly noticed the switch anymore.

"Do you want to see Yixing hyung play at this showcase at the music conservatory this weekend? He keeps bugging me about it, but I have to go. I haven't seen him play in a while," Sehun said. 

Yixing was a music major at the conservatory connected to their university. They had met during their freshman year when they were all in the same lecture. Neither of the two boys talked to him that much anymore now that they were nearing their final year and were much busier, but they still managed to go out for drinks occasionally with other acquaintances as well. The Chinese boy's only real love was the piano, anyway, and now that Sehun had brought it up, Baekhyun felt like he should go and see him play again. Sehun was right; neither of them had heard him play at a concert in a while.

"Should I make flowers for him, then?" Baekhyun said sarcastically. Sehun laughed, even though they both knew he was going to. Baekhyun made flowers for every occasion, something Sehun teased him about, but it was a quirk for them both. Flowers were their thing. They'd met through a welcome bouquet and even now, the place they were together the most was the small homey flower shop.

"What should his bouquet say?" Sehun asked but Baekhyun could already envision the arrangement in his head. He was quiet for a moment, before he started thinking out loud.

"Red carnations and bronze chrysanthemums, I think," Baekhyun said under his breath, hands on his hips as he thought. Sehun was quiet. This had always been Baekhyun's art.

"Dew plants and gillyflower," Baekhyun muttered, and he turned to scan the shop, walking over to the different walls where the flowers hung, ready to be arranged into bouquets.

He had four different flowers laid out in front of him, the red, bronze and light purple petals making as pretty a combination as it had in his head. He looked up at Sehun who nodded in approval, watching Baekhyun at work. He had done it a lot over the years, but when Sehun watched him, he still felt his heart speed up inconveniently when he felt those eyes on him.

"Excitement and admiration," Sehun said, pointing at the chrysanthemum and carnation. Baekhyun nodded. Sehun had been here for too long; the chart of meanings on the wall was almost committed to his memory too.

"Dew plants mean to serenade," Baekhyun said with a small smile as he went to pick up more of the flowers and one of the vases from the shelf behind him. Sehun laughed.

"That's perfect for Yixing," He said and Baekhyun watched his eyes turn into those cute crescents when he turned back to the counter, watching for just a beat too long as usual.

Because for the past long years, since that uncomfortable question at the dinner table with his parents, that had been how it always was. Sehun and Baekhyun together, but Baekhyun always staring for too long, admiring for too long, his heart reacting too much. He had almost accepted that this would be how it always was; him in this torturous yet addicting cycle of unnecessary feelings for his best friend.

And somehow, no matter what, there were always flowers involved.

❁❁❁

That Saturday evening, dressed in a suit he normally didn't wear and with a small glass of wine he normally didn't drink, Baekhyun found himself in the lobby of the concert hall. He leaned against one wall with the bouquet he had prepared earlier that week during Sehun's visit in one hand. He watched the different people gathered together, all well-dressed for the concert and conversing lightly in the entrance hall. He felt slightly out of place as he caught bits of conversations about the different performances awaiting tonight with his lack of knowledge of classical music, but was nonetheless interested as he waited for Sehun to arrive.

The younger boy finally appeared in front of Baekhyun with a smile, a stranger in tow. Baekhyun stood and adjusted his suit self-consciously as he saw the two men in suits, both handsome as they smiled at him.

"Baekhyun, this is Junmyeon, he's a friend of Yixing's. This is Baekhyun," Sehun introduced them and Baekhyun flashed Junmyeon another bright smile as they shook hands.

"Violinist. Not playing tonight, but I came to watch, you know?" Junmyeon said as they stood. Baekhyun already liked him. He had a warm smile and a round face that was almost boyish, but he was still very handsome.

"Yixing is great to watch. He has a unique passion, and you can see it when he plays," Junmyeon said, his smile softening. "You're in for a treat!"

Baekhyun laughs and bids him goodbye as Junmyeon politely excuses himself. Sehun turns to him and Baekhyun's just a little breathless with how he looks in his suit and with his newly dyed blond hair done neatly. He was really ethereal when he looked at Baekhyun like this, his sharp features inhumanely beautiful. But Baekhyun can still see the remnants of the young boy he was when they first met when he smiles warmly at him.

"Should we go in?" Baekhyun asks.

The two of them walked together into the concert hall and found a seat right in one of the rows closest to the stage. It was well-lit and empty as people filed in, ready for the show to start. Baekhyun noted that the grand piano was in the center of the stage, and he felt intimidated imagining that Yixing would be there in less than an hour. It was terrifying to Baekhyun to play for an audience, but he couldn't think of a place Yixing looked more at home than seated in front of the piano. 

Baekhyun managed a look at the program and saw that Yixing was playing third, after a cellist and a flutist. He scanned down the other names and instruments, none of the names familiar to him. It was a shorter list, with only about seven people on it. Sehun looked over his shoulder at it too and pointed at Yixing's name. Baekhyun turned to see him with a small smile just before he looked away. Baekhyun's heart melted just a little.

The lights dimmed in the audience, the stage lights growing brighter as the room fell into silence.

The first performer walked out, a tall pretty Asian girl holding a flute. Baekhyun didn't have to know about music to see how much she put into the music, her stance dipping and swaying with it and the room filling with her lovely tone. When Baekhyun looked over at Sehun, he was staring at the girl, his mouth slightly open in awe and Baekhyun smiled at the cute expression the other didn't know he was making. They both clapped after her piece and she bowed, flashing a warm charming smile that Baekhyun could see reach her eyes even from his position in the audience.

Then Yixing walked out on the stage and Baekhyun straightened as he saw his friend near the piano. The room was dead silent and Baekhyun took a breath as he set down his music and prepared to play. 

Junmyeon had been right when he said you could see his undying passion as he played. His fingers danced across the keys eagerly and Baekhyun was fascinated as he watched the boy play, turning into a completely different person under the spotlight and in front of the piano. The music seemed to flow from him, portraying beautiful images with its sound that filled Baekhyun's ears. 

The last note reverberated through the hall and Baekhyun could see the triumphant smile he wore when he was finished as he stood up and bowed. There had been endless talent flowing from Yixing in front of the piano and Baekhyun was in absolute awe of it all.

After the show, Baekhyun and Sehun found Yixing talking excitedly to someone, the same eager smile on his face. Baekhyun handed him the bouquet he had made after congratulating him, watching the happiness in his friend increase as he thanked them endlessly for coming and for the flowers.

"You almost made me wish I'd kept at piano," Baekhyun said jokingly and Yixing let out a laugh, smiling and showing his dimples. He reached over and ruffled Baekhyun's hair, making him whine in protest as he tried to smooth it back down.

The three boys walked back out to Sehun's car, slowly making their way through the lobby of people. Yixing was swarmed with congratulations and Baekhyun could see the happiness in his eyes as he was praised.

Yixing called shotgun before Baekhyun could even think about it and he groaned as he crawled in the back, opening his phone and scrolling through his notifications.

"Yixing, do you know who was the flutist who played before you?" Sehun asked as they drove out on the road and they started a conversation that Baekhyun tuned out of. Baekhyun loved his friend, but it had already been too much classical music for one day for him.

Sehun laughed and the sound was loud in the quiet car, making Baekhyun's heart jump. He quickly looked up to steal a glance at Sehun's pretty smile in the mirror and they made eye contact unintentionally. Baekhyun hoped that the darkness of the night outside was enough to cover up the blush on his cheeks from being caught. 

Sehun looked away, obviously not thinking anything of it and Baekhyun looked back down at his phone, where he had been typing the middle of a text before he was interrupted. His heart still pounded in his ears and he felt stupid once again for the effect his best friend had on him.

But he would never do anything to give up the rush he got when he saw Sehun or the way his heart accelerated when he was nearby. He was certain of that.

❁❁❁

Baekhyun knows something is strange when Sehun walks into the flower shop a couple of days afterwards, with a strange smile on his face that he hasn't seen before.

"Baekhyunnie, I need your help," Sehun asked, just a little wide-eyed and nervous looking. Baekhyun ignored the foreboding feeling that was unsettled in his stomach and raised an eyebrow at him.

"You remember the girl who played the flute at the concert, right?" Sehun asked. Baekhyun made a small noise of agreement as he turned to pick up the bouquet behind him and arrange it, to give him something to do.

"The Asian girl with the tan skin. Yes, I remember her," Baekhyun said.

"Well, Yixing hyung told me her name was Jongin Kim. I wanted to talk to her after, but I couldn't find her," Sehun paused. "Do you think I should send her some flowers or something?"

Baekhyun turned and gave him a look. Sehun was tapping his fingers on the table, something that Baekhyun knew for a fact he only did when he was nervous.

"Is this to congratulate her or something more?" Baekhyun asked, ignoring his heart pounding in his chest, hoping with everything that it was the first one. He tried to look nonchalant as he rested his arms on the counter right across from Sehun. His heart sank when he tried to hide a smile and looked down.

"It depends," He said and Baekhyun nodded. He tried to ignore the bad taste in his mouth as his heart ached from the confession. Logically, he's been silently loving Sehun from afar for years and it's about time the other boy had a crush. But Sehun had never shown any signs of a crush on either gender. It had just never mattered to him. _Since when did a girl come between Baekhyun and Sehun?_

"Name your flowers," Baekhyun said, gesturing to the poster on the wall. He turned to go get a vase and sighed, trying hard not to let the unpleasant emotions in his heart get the best of him, at least, not in front of Sehun.

"Amaryllis, red camellias, and white carnations," Sehun said after a moment, pausing in between each flower as he scanned the poster on the wall, hidden from Baekhyun's view.

_Splendid beauty. Perfection. Sweetness._

The meanings of the flowers cut deeply into Baekhyun's heart and he was being stupid, he knew it. Sehun hummed from behind him and Baekhyun realized then he had been frozen for too long and moved, turning away from the counters to look around for the flowers. He sighed and ignored his heart that was protesting violently at his emotionless state.

He turned to meet Sehun's eyes, which were bright and shining. He was biting his lip adorably, another nervous habit Baekhyun knew well and he wished he didn't. He wished he couldn't see the signs or know Sehun so well because it just hurt more. 

Sehun didn't notice that anything was off with Baekhyun however, and just nodded in approval at the vase he had picked out. He opened his phone and glanced at the time before pocketing it quickly. He flashed Baekhyun his beautiful smile but it only hurt more.

"My lecture's soon. You'll have them ready for me right?" Sehun asked happily and Baekhyun just nodded as he watched him push himself up from where he was leaning against the counter. It was stupid, but he didn't want him to leave. He wanted him to notice that something was off, not right. But of course, he didn't.

"Bye, Baekhyunnie! Thanks so much!" Sehun called as he pushed open the door to the flower shop, turning onto the sidewalk and disappearing from Baekhyun's view, the little shop bell above the door still ringing the only sign that he had even dropped by.

As he worked on the bouquet that night after the shop closed, he arranged them with the same meticulous attention and care he handled every bouquet. But he couldn't help but hold the stems just a little too tightly in his fist as he grabbed each flower. He tried to ignore how the flowers felt like poison in his hand, their beauty suddenly two-faced when Baekhyun thought bitterly who they were for. 

The first wave of displeasure towards flowers that would ever strike Baekhyun washed over him, but he tried to ignore it. Little did he know that the beautiful plants Baekhyun always loved would be thought of with hatred in his heart soon enough.

❁❁❁

Baekhyun walked briskly through the campus library, heading right towards the big comfy chairs he knew were hidden in the corner. He had his notebook tucked under his arm, a coffee in the other hand, and a pencil propped behind his ear. 

"There you are!" He heard before he saw. He turned and saw Chanyeol Park, sitting in one of the chairs and waving him over, wearing that huge stupid grin on his face. Baekhyun nodded and made his way over, sighing when he slumped into the chair across from Chanyeol. The other boy laughed when he leaned back and groaned, too tired to work, even though he would have to.

Both of the boys were English majors, and had been paired up for a creative writing assignment. Baekhyun hadn't minded being paired up with Chanyeol, a boy who was tall, clumsy, and had too positive of an attitude for their nine AM lecture. Baekhyun hadn't known him before this year, but he had been glad to have been paired up with him; he had a different writing style and had decent ideas for their writing project that worked well with Baekhyun.

Chanyeol pulled out his own notebook and a folder with slightly crumpled notebook paper sticking out, the looseleaf paper attacked with red and blue ink from Chanyeol and Baekhyun's respective pens. Their project was already about 15,000 words long, only about 5,000 words off of the requirement and it was still due in a week. They had decided to knock it out today, just to be done.

It was fun, just as all their little sessions had been. Chanyeol had a talent with dialogue, having their characters speak witty lines that made Baekhyun crack up. Baekhyun added a layer of emotion into it to balance out the humor and soon enough, the words were flowing out of both of them as they wrote separate pieces and brought them together, correcting each other's papers and suggesting different details or plotlines to follow.

It was only after Baekhyun opened his phone to glance at the time that his eyes widened; they had been here almost until closing time. He looked over and saw that the other students that had sat around them had all vacated their seats, leaving the two boys alone. The announcement that the library would close in five minutes crackled over the speaker and Chanyeol laughed at how fast the time had passed.

After they packed up, Baekhyun turned away when he was stopped by Chanyeol tapping his shoulder.

"Hey, Baek?" He gave him a small smile and Baekhyun turned around to face him, prompting him to go on.

"I know we've only really talked for this project, but I was wondering if you want to meet up at the coffee shop sometime? I wouldn't mind getting to know you more," Chanyeol asked, his eyes giving away how much he wanted Baekhyun to agree. It was truly funny how much the other boy showed of his emotions on his face, like he couldn't filter them at all. 

Frankly, Baekhyun was a little shocked at the question, as it was not at all what he was expecting. But he quickly shook it away and nodded. He felt small under Chanyeol's wide grin that plastered across his face seconds later. 

It was only after he left the library and was walking back to his apartment near campus in the quiet night that he realized how much Chanyeol's question sounded like a date. Sehun flashed across his mind and his heart beat nervously in his chest before he remembered what Sehun had requested him just a few days ago. 

_Maybe it's better I said yes to Chanyeol,_ Baekhyun reasoned with himself, the bouquet he had completed for Sehun to give away occupying his thoughts, the pretty red and white petals of the flowers bright in his mind. It was about time he tried to get over Sehun. It wasn't like Sehun had even thought of him like that.

But little did Baekhyun know it wasn't that easy.

❁❁❁

On Friday, Sehun goes to the flower shop to pick up the bouquet.

Baekhyun is checking the delivery schedule when the other boy walks in, the little bell above the door jingling happily. The first thing he notices is that Sehun has dyed his hair blond and he does a double take, trying not to gape. Sehun hadn't ever tried to dye his hair before and Baekhyun didn't realize how good it would look until now. He ran a hand through it and it ruffled cutely. Baekhyun tried to ignore his heart and the weird things it was doing. 

Baekhyun hands him the bouquet and tries not to think about how it's for someone else when Sehun takes it with a smile.

"Wish me luck, Baek!" He says happily and Baekhyun nods once before turning back to the record book in his hand. The neatly written entries and dates turn into squiggles and Baekhyun can't get his focus back. He's listening as Sehun walks out with no other words and it's only after the shop bell rings does Baekhyun look up to watch him.

He didn't realize how much of a mistake it would be until afterwards.

Sehun is right outside of the shop window, talking to a tall girl that Baekhyun immediately recognizes. Sehun holds out the bouquet to her and Baekhyun watches as her eyes light up and she smiles, accepting them. She looks at them in wonder and Baekhyun's chest gets tight as he watches Sehun smile fondly at her expression. 

Sehun didn't smile at him like that.

His chest suddenly tightens and Baekhyun coughs violently. His eyes tear up and he can't breathe as he hacks. He starts to panic before his throat opens up again and he breathes once again, his heart racing. There's something soft and tasteless in his mouth and he spits it out into his hand in disgust.

When he opens his palm, his eyes widen in horror at the three small yellow flower petals sitting innocently that he had coughed up. Baekhyun had thought the disease was an old tale, made up for romantics, but the proof is sitting in his hand.

But what stings the most isn't the symptoms that Baekhyun knows he'll be experiencing soon. It's the flowers in his palm. They're yellow acacias, a flower he loved for its mysterious meaning; something Baekhyun has committed to memory and he wishes that he didn't.

_Concealed love._

His heart sinks hopelessly and he's all alone in the shop when the first hot tears cascade down his cheeks. One thing poisons his mind constantly as he cries silently; a beautiful boy just outside of the building. A boy he had loved for forever silently and from far away. A boy he had admired inwardly since a young age. A boy who had no idea of what was happening to Baekhyun or the mess they had just gotten themselves into.

❁❁❁

Through the next few weeks, Baekhyun learns to stay much more guarded, much more aware. He's quiet, hiding in the back of his lectures and wearing big sweaters that he hopes can hide the fact that he hasn't found it in himself to eat with the way his stomach is already so unsettled. He's always waiting for the tight feeling in his chest, the one that is always accompanied with hacking and more of the once beautiful yellow acacia petals. They are nothing more than a cruel reminder in his eyes now as he throws them up into public toilets, his throat burning and eyes welling up with tears. But nothing aches more than his heart, for the one it has been longing for for so long and who could cure his suffering.

Through those same few weeks, his best friend Sehun can be found with a sweet girl named Jongin. Sehun can feel himself grow more infatuated with the pretty musician with long black hair and a soft smile that he melts at. He laughs at her witty jokes and finds himself admiring her little quirks, like the way she taps out flute fingerings on any surface she can find unconsciously or how she hums different classical melodies under her breath. He becomes more constant in her life, finding her late at night with two drinks from the local coffee shop in a practice room playing with the same gorgeous sound that made him so interested in the first place. He misses phone calls and text messages as he gets more and more caught up with her and she starts to invade his mind. It is with the image of her pretty face breaking into a laugh that he falls asleep with at night.

And that's how late at night, Baekhyun finds himself hacking up flower petals alone in his apartment and crying, the only one who could cure it across the town, dreaming fondly of someone else.

❁❁❁

Baekhyun's supposed to meet up with Chanyeol at the coffee shop that evening.

Baekhyun wakes up from his nap, his alarm ringing painfully in his ears and he reaches over with a groan, shutting it off and forcing himself to open his eyes. He's so tired lately, his limbs heavy with fatigue and brain slow. But the clock on his phone is pointing at him, flashing a big 6:53 at him, reminding him rudely that he only has 7 minutes to get ready.

He shoots up and gets ready, combing through his hair a couple of times and opening his closet door to reveal a mess of clothes sprawled over the floor, shelves, and hanging messily from an array of hangers from department stores. Baekhyun hadn't bothered to clean it and he looks down at two pairs of sweaters on the floor that he had thrown there for future use. His heart gives a pang as he recognizes the soft black fabric of one of them; one that Sehun had left behind sometime in the past year. He ignores it and turns immediately to the other one, a comfy baggy gray sweater.

His phone rings and he picks it up, mumbling a halfhearted hello.

"Baekhyun! Are we still on for today?" Chanyeol's cheery voice is filtered through the device and Baekhyun opens his mouth to reply when he closes it again.

"Actually, can we skip out on the coffee today? I'm not in the mood," Baekhyun says, an idea in his head. "Do you have anything stronger?"

Chanyeol chuckles through the phone, a happy ringing laugh. Everything that Baekhyun doesn't embody.

"I have some booze at my apartment, if that's what you're hinting at," Baekhyun can hear the smile in his voice and it makes him smile as well, a gesture that's rare from him nowadays.

"Sounds perfect. Just text me the address and I'll be there," Baekhyun says and hangs up soon after.

A short car drive away and there's Chanyeol opening his apartment door with that big stupid grin of his. Baekhyun felt so small next to him and compared to before, when it hadn't bothered him, he liked it.

Nowadays, he just wanted to be so small he'd disappear.

Baekhyun leans against the counter on his elbows as Chanyeol goes to the cupboard and pulls out a bottle of beer and glasses. He looks back at Baekhyun curiously and smiles.

"Your hair looks fluffy," he comments and Baekhyun scoffs, rubbing at his eyes again. A glass is set in front of him and he wastes no time downing it in a couple of gulps. He hasn't had a drink in so long and tonight sounds like the perfect night to get so drunk he forgets the world.

"Tough day?" Chanyeol asks as he pours Baekhyun another glass, taking much less careless sips from his own. Baekhyun wishes he would stop talking as he downs it again.

This is reckless and he knows it. He doesn't know if he'll have another flower attack, and the voice in his head is warning him against it with logic, but Baekhyun just doesn't care anymore. He doesn't care about flowers or Sehun or being reckless. He wants to forget. Even just for a night.

He's had too many drinks. After a while, they both have. Chanyeol rambles on and Baekhyun downs glass after glass, wanting to be drunk out of his mind. When Chanyeol's words start to slur, he puts the cup down forcefully and looks up at the boy. 

Why hadn't he noticed how _pretty_ he was before? Chanyeol had a head full of soft-looking brown curls and he had called Baekhyun's hair fluffy but he thought it much suited the other right now. He was dressed in a soft pink sweater and dark jeans, something he wouldn't have imagined the other would wear, but it looks unfairly nice on him. Baekhyun felt out of place, insecure, with his baggy sweater and sweatpants and messy hair but in that moment he didn't care.

"Kiss me," He cut Chanyeol off, breathing the words out desperately and Chanyeol looks at him with wide eyes. Baekhyun searches the other's gaze and he sees the hesitation but he also sees the want in them. 

Baekhyun closes the gap between them and presses their lips together forcefully, and there is no hesitation in the way Chanyeol's large hands find their place on Baekhyun's waist and turn them so his back is pressed uncomfortably against the counter. Their mouths move needily, their tongues dancing in a battle of dominance around the other and Baekhyun can smell the alcohol on Chanyeol's breath but he knows he probably is no better.

Baekhyun's mind is consumed and all he can focus on is Chanyeol, and his hands on him and his mouth on him. Their lips separate as Chanyeol kisses down his jaw and neck, sucking lightly and Baekhyun lets out a gasp as he closes his eyes. He wants Chanyeol to make him forget everything.

Their bodies are so hot pressed up against each other and Baekhyun wants it off, pulling each layer off of each other until they're completely exposed, their skin almost scorching hot.

Somehow, because he can't remember or focus at all on where they are, Baekhyun is pushed down and he lands on a mattress, letting soft sounds of pleasure fall from his lips as Chanyeol kisses him up his body, muttering words that Baekhyun can't comprehend against his skin. Chanyeol is undeniably beautiful like this, hovering over Baekhyun with tousled hair from where Baekhyun had pulled on it desperately and lips kiss bruised. 

And Baekhyun can't deny he's even more beautiful with his eyes squeezed shut in pleasure as he rocks into Baekhyun, deep filthy noises being ripped from his throat and slipping from Baekhyun's mouth as well as they're pressed against each other, breathing each other's air and sweating from their pleasure.

And Chanyeol is beautiful when he leans down and buries his head into Baekhyun's neck as his orgasm rips through him, filling Baekhyun up and leading him to his own release. They are completely exposed and vulnerable to each other like this, connected through intimacy and as close as two people can be.

But as Chanyeol pulls out of Baekhyun and leaves to clean himself up, Baekhyun knows that even through how exposed he was, Chanyeol couldn't see his biggest secret: that even though Chanyeol is beautiful, he will never be Sehun in Baekhyun's eyes. And even though Baekhyun tried so hard to forget the boy torturing him indirectly that night, he was still in the back of Baekhyun's mind. Because Chanyeol will never be Sehun, and Baekhyun can't fix his problem himself like this.

Baekhyun pretends to be asleep when Chanyeol returns and pulls the smaller boy into his arms, holding him close until his breathing evens and he is limp against Baekhyun.

It is only after Chanyeol has fallen asleep naked next to him in a bed that's not his own does Baekhyun let himself cry until he too is pulled into a dreamless sleep.

❁❁❁

Baekhyun wakes up the next morning in an unfamiliar bed with an unfamiliar body pressed against his. The sunlight shining through the window is too bright for this early, and he is too tired to get up as he remembers the events of the last night. His heart tugs painfully and he sighs and closes his eyes, his eyelids still heavy from sleep and his head hurting from the alcohol.

If only he had drank enough to forget the way Chanyeol had felt last night kissing him and the way his heart had ached the whole time. Baekhyun felt off. The sex wasn't bad, in fact, far from it. But even though Chanyeol worshipped his body, Baekhyun couldn't dive into it and forget everything wrong with him, even for just that night.

Because everything with him is so wrong. From the way his heart jumps when he sees Sehun, but the way his body betrays him later, forcing him to hack up beautifully tragic flowers and make his eyes tear up as he drowns in his own heartache.

He feels it as he lays there, the familiar tightening in his chest and he tries not to panic as it gets harder to breathe, wriggling free from Chanyeol's sleepy hold on him and standing up from the bed. He coughs for the first time as he stumbles to the bathroom, legs weak from sleep and ass sore. 

He barely manages to reach the toilet before he hacks violently, pulling the door shut hastily and trying desperately to breathe as the flower petals are thrown up unpleasantly. Stinging hot tears are pulled from his eyes as he throws up, the amount of flowers alarming, even for him. 

The attack passes and he breathes heavily, tears streaming from the burning in his throat and the way his body feels drained and tired. The water in the bowl is covered with acacia petals, floating innocently in the otherwise normal water. Baekhyun feels sick all over again.

"Baekhyun?" A worried voice suddenly calls through the silence and Baekhyun swears under his breath as the door opens and he's met with the sight of Chanyeol, hair still messy from sleep and eyes wide with panic. 

He looks at the scene, which certainly must be difficult to take in; Baekhyun is sitting on the floor, both arms wrapped around his stomach and crying silently and the toilet bowl full of petals, with a couple strewn across the tile floor as well. 

"What's wrong, Baek?" Chanyeol asks and he walks over and sinks down to sit next to the smaller boy, enveloping him in a hug. They're both still naked and it makes Baekhyun feel even smaller as he leans into Chanyeol's touch, their skin pressing against each other with no barriers. 

But that question rubs off on Baekhyun just the wrong way and he breaks down, it all just getting a little too much. He whimpers and just shakes his head because how can he answer that? He doesn't even know what's wrong with him, why he can't just live without being burdened by love and his body attacking him for it.

"Did you... throw those up?" Chanyeol asks incredulously as he looks at the flowers littering the bathroom. Some of them have blood staining their otherwise perfect petals and Baekhyun shivers. 

Chanyeol just holds him closer, rubbing his back as he cries. He was so stupid to think he could have a hook-up; Chanyeol knows now, and Baekhyun doesn't know if he's relieved to not have it bottled up inside or terrified because he doesn't know how he'll react.

They stay like that on the bathroom floor until Baekhyun's cries subside and for longer after that. The silence is comforting, and Baekhyun has his head pressed against Chanyeol's chest, listening to his heart beat and the sounds of both of them breathing in the otherwise still air. He hasn't been held like this in a long time and Baekhyun feels safe, even though he can't be safe when what's hurting him is his own body. But he tries not to think about that. 

He's been trying not to think about things a lot lately. But how can you forget things when you're trapped in your own thoughts?

"I thought this was a myth," Chanyeol's voice cuts through the silence, loud and almost echoing a little in the bathroom. Baekhyun sighs.

"I did too," He says in a small voice and Chanyeol has one hand gently running through his hair and Baekhyun leans into the soft touch of his fingers. He remembers fleetingly of the same hands pulling on his hair much more desperately last night.

"Who is it for?" Chanyeol asks and Baekhyun pauses at that. His head swims. Chanyeol knows Sehun; all three of them have the same lecture. But would it be worth it to tell him? Baekhyun finds that he doesn't care anymore, and it's not like he can hide it when the proof had just been coughed out of him.

"Sehun," Baekhyun whispers and just his name gives his heart another pang. Baekhyun can't see Chanyeol's reaction and he's silent after that. They're still tangled together in a heap and Baekhyun finds that even though, he's terrified, he much prefers having Chanyeol's strong arms around him holding him close than crying silently by himself after one of his attacks.

And the two boys, even though they hadn't been even good friends before that moment, are closer now because of it. The moment is sweet but the cause is deadly, and they both know that Baekhyun's undying love is filling up his lungs and will suffocate him sooner or later. And even though it's terrifying, they're invested in it now. 

Because what other choice do they have?

❁❁❁

Nowadays, Sehun feels like he's been spending more time in one of the too brightly lit practice rooms of the music building with Jongin more often than he's been at home, which is even funnier to him since it's a place he never would have thought he would even step into before. She always chooses the one on the end of the hall, that has nothing less than a piano in the corner and a stand and chair, her sheet music messily arranged on the stand and playing for hours.

Jongin is there again today when Sehun quietly opens the door and sneaks in, playing a section of the same solo she's been working on since they started dating. Her tone fills the room and Sehun's left as breathless as he was on the night of the performance where he first fell for her. She's swaying with the music and her eyes are closed, not having realized Sehun had slipped in. She doesn't do that when he's in the room out of embarrassment. But Sehun wishes she did; it's rare he can see her deep in the sounds of her own music, caught into the thing she loves so most.

Sehun claps when she's finished and she turns to see him, laughing and the sound echoes around the room. Sehun doesn't know if the flute sound or her laughter is prettier.

"Back again, Sehunnie?" Jongin teases, a smile still wide on her lips. She looks especially pretty today in a warm striped sweater with sleeves that are longer than her hands and her hair out in gentle waves down her back. She walks over to him, flute still in hand, and pecks him on the lips sweetly, pulling away and flashing him one of his favorite smiles. 

"Oh, did you bring something?" She looks down at the bag in his hand that Sehun had forgotten about while listening to her and he holds it out to her. She takes it and looks inside, handing Sehun her flute as she opens up the bag to pull things out. Sehun looks at the shiny silver instrument and holds it near the top, where he doesn't touch any of the keys.

She pulls out two sandwiches he had bought at the small sandwich shop close by and makes a noise in approval. She gasps when she looks inside once more and sees the bouquet Sehun had picked up too.

"Aw Sehun, you didn't have to," She pulls it out and looks at the pretty arrangement, holding it delicately in her fingers to examine it. 

"They smell lovely! You gave me a similar one a long time ago, I remember," She says as she walks back over to the chair and sets down the sandwiches before returning. "Where did you get them?"

"Oh, Baekhyun makes them. He knows all the different meanings of them too, he loves the flowers," Sehun answers. 

He watches Jongin's fingers as she touches the petals carefully, like they're so fragile, they'll fall apart in her hands. Her touch reminds him of Baekhyun doing the same thing daily in his little shop, an act Sehun has grown so familiar with over the years of watching him as he works. His hands are just as lovely as Jongin's, with the same beautiful elongated fingers but she's too gentle. Baekhyun would caress the flowers with an expertise from years of working with them. 

He arrives home when night has already fallen, having spent the whole day with Jongin. He only misses two lectures, not bothering to tell Jongin he had any, but he figures he can ask Baekhyun about the material later. Sehun hums the piece she had been playing, the sound loud in his lonely apartment. He'd watched as she talked excitedly about musical terms he couldn't comprehend for the most part, her eyes shining and warm smile practically blinding him.

He goes to sleep soon after that, his thoughts too caught up on the sweet girl to remember his phone still lying on the nightstand from where it had been placed that morning. He misses the notifications sitting under the black screen waiting for him. 

[10:05 AM] Baekhyunnie: Sehun where are you?  
[10:17 AM] Baekhyunnie: You're supposed to pick me up for the lecture? Remember?

[12:36 PM] Baekhyunnie: Never mind Chanyeol ended up taking me it's ok  
[12:37 PM] Baekhyunnie: Where were you today? You don't miss often

[4:56 PM] Baekhyunnie: I'm closing up the shop. You haven't stayed to talk in the past few days. Are you okay?

And late, when the night is silent and Sehun's in a dreamless sleep, there's another boy texting him just across town with tears in his eyes and throat burning in pain. Sehun's phone buzzes and lights up for the final time that night.

[3:12 AM] I miss you, Sehun.

❁❁❁

Baekhyun doesn't like working in the shop anymore.

The flowers he's spent his whole life looking at and appreciating have lost their flavor to him. His chest is tight and it's hard to breathe when he stares at the flowers, the beauty they once had poisonous to him now. He hates arranging them in the vases, sending them off to someone else to fall in love with.

Baekhyun once thought love was beautiful. Now he knows it's just a burden.

Chanyeol insists on staying with him in the shop and he ignores the pitiful glances he throws him as he's working. The smell of flowers is more like a stench to Baekhyun now and he can see the flash of panic go through Chanyeol's eyes whenever he stops to cough, more often than not with petals falling.

Chanyeol tries to talk to him, mindless things like classes or weekend plans. Baekhyun just nods to most of them, only halfway listening. At one point, Chanyeol starts talking about a new boy he's started to meet up with, someone named Jongdae that he describes as short with a sweet smile. Baekhyun thinks he should avoid love and relationships, something his innocent self years ago wouldn't have said when love was magical and full of happy endings.

In none of the stories he read as a kid did it say love ended in throwing up flower petals and dying of a broken heart.

The little shop bell rings shrilly as the door opens and Baekhyun's head snaps up. Sehun is walking in and Chanyeol stops midway through whatever rant he was going on. Baekhyun's heart leaps in a giddy whirl but he ignores it and swallows. Sehun flashes him a smile and Baekhyun returns it nonchalantly.

"Ooh, Chanyeol-ah is here," He says in Korean, flashing the other boy a smile as well. Baekhyun doesn't know if it's on purpose or if Sehun didn't realize he was slipping into their other language. Now that he realizes it, Chanyeol is Korean too which means he can probably understand it, but there's a slight possibility he can't. He thinks fleetingly about asking him later.

Sehun walks up to the counter and gives Chanyeol a wave before turning to Baekhyun. He eyes the flower arrangements lined up for pick-up with a thoughtful eye, the one that Baekhyun always beams with pride from. But lately, he hasn't been feeling pride in his creations. Only resentment.

"Baekhyunnie, I want you to join me and Jongin for dinner some day. I realized the other day you still haven't met her," Sehun starts, turning to make eye contact with the other boy. Baekhyun tries not to squirm under the other boy's beautiful gaze, but it takes a decent amount of self control. Baekhyun always has to exert self control around Sehun anyway. 

Baekhyun realizes then that Sehun's waiting for him to speak and flushes, stuttering a little.

"Oh yeah, sure," he says halfheartedly. Chanyeol clears his throat from the side and Baekhyun feels the tension in the room go up.

"Is Friday alright, then?" Sehun asks. He smiles again when Baekhyun nods and Baekhyun's heart jumps again. "That's great then? You'll love her, I promise." 

Baekhyun tries really hard to ignore the way Sehun's expression seems brighter when he talks about Jongin. But as he thinks of the warm smile he gave her the last time he saw them together, his body betrays him and a sinking feeling settles in his stomach as his chest tightens, the horrible warning of an attack. 

Sehun flashes one more smile at Baekhyun and Chanyeol but Baekhyun is trying to mask the panic in him as he sucks in a breath discreetly, his airway almost closing up dreadfully. Sehun is walking out the door and it seems to take forever before the little bell rings a final time to signal his departure when Baekhyun doubles over and hacks horribly, trying desperately just to breathe as he sinks to the floor. 

His throat burns awfully with the acid from his stomach as he coughs over and over again and he can feel tears blurring his vision as he screws his eyes shut, lungs burning with lack of air. He can barely feel Chanyeol's arms around him as he coughs, holding onto him because he feels so weak and pain wracks through him awfully. But nothing hurts more than his heart that yearns so strongly for the one who just left, who didn't even turn back to see this happen.

When his hacking finally stops, there's tears running down his cheeks and the flower petals are covering his lap, a large pool of them surrounding him and there's so many of them. They almost look innocent, covering his lap and scattered around him but Baekhyun knows the underlying evil hidden under their soft beauty. 

Baekhyun breathes heavily, still leaning against Chanyeol who's rubbing his back and whispering sweet nothings in his ear as a means of comfort. Baekhyun's eyes are heavy and he closes them, letting Chanyeol hold him. He can feel the tear streaks on his cheeks but his emotions are gone and he's just numb. All he feels is numb and weak and tired of it all.

He just wants it over.

It's sickeningly funny to him how beautifully tragic it all is: Baekhyun and Chanyeol sitting on the floor, surrounded by the soft yellow flower petals, one boy with a broken heart and wanting to die and the other with a broken heart from watching it all. 

Baekhyun's come to the conclusion that the world has just entirely, completely screwed him over.

They get up later once Baekhyun has insisted that he's fine to a shaken Chanyeol. He gets up and pushes it as far from his mind as he can to continue making arrangements, swallowing the disgust in his throat at the sinister plants. He pretends to ignore it when Chanyeol sniffs and wipes his teary eyes on his sleeve or how he grows much quieter for the last few hours Baekhyun is working. Chanyeol shouldn't be wasting any sadness on him. 

Dusk falls when Baekhyun finally walks to the front of the shop and locks it up, putting the keychain on the counter and sighing. Chanyeol's watching him with a curious expression. Baekhyun ignores him as he rubs at his eyes and ignores the still lingering sick feeling in his stomach.

Hanahaki disease," Chanyeol breaks the silence, the words cutting through the still air. Baekhyun closes his eyes as Chanyeol continues.

"It's thought of as a Japanese myth, some sort of twisted love story. A person burdened with unrequited love begins to throw up flower petals. Your lungs are filled up by flowers and you die of a broken heart," Chanyeol says. Baekhyun doesn't know why he's bothering to tell him this, like he wouldn't know what it is. 

"There's only two cures: your lover loving you back, or a surgery that cures it but leaves you emotionless for a while and with a broken heart permanently," The words are spoken lightly by Chanyeol, his deep voice speaking them almost conversationally. So why do they make Baekhyun's heart sting so badly?

There's another silence filling the now empty shop. It's tense and the unspoken words are thick in the air. 

"You're not going to let this kill you, Baek, are you?" These words are so much softer and when he turns to look at Chanyeol, he can see the genuine fear in his eyes for him. The fear that Baekhyun will die from this. But the knowledge that there's virtually no way Sehun is going to love him back before he's suffocated from the inside sits heavy in his mind and his stomach lurches again. He closes his eyes and tightens his grip on the counter, trying to catch his breath. He's tired of this. He doesn't want to throw up anymore, doesn't want to live half a life like this anymore.

But Sehun's pretty smile flashes in his mind. The one that he gave him when he was excited over speaking English correctly in their school as kids. The happy one when they found the treehouse. The one that's forever etched in his mind. Baekhyun knows he would never give up his love for Sehun, even if it ends up his downfall.

That's why the next words ring truer than anything he's spoken before.

"Chanyeol, promise me if it gets to that, you won't let them fix me," He can see Chanyeol pale and open his mouth to protest but Baekhyun cuts him off.

"You can't call an ambulance. You can't let the doctors touch me. I don't care if Sehun gets mad at you or if you never forgive yourself. I want you to let me go if this kills me," Baekhyun says and the words are much more confident than anything he's said since this nightmare started. The atmosphere is cold and eerie. Chanyeol is still where he sits on the little chair by the counter, surrounded by the flowers Baekhyun once loved dearly. Baekhyun wishes he would say something or even that he would start crying himself but he's run out of tears. He's too tired to cry.

It's a long time before anyone says anything. The words Chanyeol speaks next are chosen carefully and spoken warily.

"Baekhyun, I don't understand why you want me to. I don't understand why you'll let yourself die like this. I was ready to resent Sehun for what he's doing to you. But now I know how deep your love for him runs," Chanyeol pauses and when their eyes meet, his ones that are normally wide with happiness are shining with tears.

"I won't stop you if it gets to that," He finishes and Baekhyun just nods, exhaling a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. 

His pretty Sehun, who he loves so much. His Sehun, who he holds close to his heart and who captivates his mind. His Sehun, who is slowly poisoning him without a clue.

_I'm sorry, Sehun. Don't cry for me when I'm gone._

❁❁❁

Chanyeol doesn't understand love. He dabbles in relationships. He always has a reason to keep smiling. No matter how dark the night sky is, the sun will rise tomorrow, won't it?

But then there's Baekhyun. Baekhyun, who's so small that Chanyeol wants to hide him in his arms forever and hide him from the world. Baekhyun, who's skin is so pale and who hides behind baggy clothing and messy hair. Baekhyun, who even with the bags under his eyes, he's beautiful. Baekhyun, who behind all the sighs and behind the lips that never smile, is a boy who cries alone. 

Baekhyun, who is dying slowly from within. Baekhyun, who will give his life for an unrequited love on a boy who doesn't deserve it.

Chanyeol didn't understand love until he met Baekhyun. He's always had a reason to smile. But Baekhyun doesn't smile.

And he thinks if Baekhyun is gone, the sun won't rise from the darkness for him ever again.

❁❁❁

Baekhyun sits alone in his apartment on the floor, surrounded by empty bottles of alcohol and still drinking. He can't help but think he must be truly pathetic to sink this far, each bottle representing another layer of unspoken sadness and helplessness he seems to be buried under nowadays. 

Maybe getting pissed drunk wasn't the best choice on Baekhyun's part; he only feels a little more numb than he normally does, but overall it doesn't do much to help. It will only gain him a hangover in the morning and new regrets. He drowns in self-pity and clouded judgement as tears finally fall from his eyes silently.

The floor is littered with the bottles and the flower petals Baekhyun hasn't bothered to pick up - they almost look like a decoration. Baekhyun can't help the hole in his heart as he wishes with everything that that was all they were.

_Why me?_

_Why do I even still love him?_

Thoughts whirl in his clouded brain as he picks up his phone impulsively, the screen a bit of a blur through tears but he still opens the contact list and scrolls right to the one he has kept the most cherished over the years. He remembers when they were kids and he had gotten his first phone and eagerly put his name in first. Baekhyun doesn't even have it in him to remember the memory fondly. 

_"Baekhyun-ah, do you think I'm pretty?"_

Words spoken as a joke in their childhood. Words Baekhyun had responded to with an immediate yes, just to see that gorgeous smile. 

His finger is still hovering over the call button, Sehun's name flashing back at him. He takes a breath and calls, putting the phone up to his ear. Adrenaline pumps through him as the impending rings sound through the phone, so loud in the silence of the apartment room.

Baekhyun had been convinced that he was going to die this way. He was convinced he would be at the mercy of the flowers and they would put him on his deathbed. But he can't help the tiny rush of hope that runs through him as the phone continues to ring.

When he finally picks up and his beautiful voice goes through the phone, Baekhyun can't stop the way he chokes up when he speaks embarrassingly. He blames it on the alcohol, but he knows that's not what it is.

"Baekhyun?"

"Sehun, can you come over? There's something I haven't been telling you."

❁❁❁

Sehun can't explain why there's a sinking feeling in his stomach when he hangs up the phone or why he feels the need to suddenly roll out of the bed and get dressed as quickly as he can to go, even though it's almost one in the morning. He only glances back at Jongin still lying happily asleep in his bed once before he opens the door. 

Maybe it was because it had been true that Baekhyun had been missing his lectures. Maybe it was because Baekhyun's words had been slurred over the phone and a drunk Baekhyun never meant anything good. Maybe it was because he'd seemed so numb whenever Sehun walked into his little flower shop that he normally loved so much.

 _He doesn't seem like my Baekhyun._

It hits him all at once and something feels very wrong. Sehun's grip on the steering wheel of his car tightens until his knuckles are white as he pulls out of the apartment complex and speeds towards Baekhyun's. He tries to ignore the increasingly bad taste on his tongue as his heart speeds up.

He parks the car sloppily at Baekhyun's apartment building, a place he is so familiar with after he'd moved out of his childhood house and they had spent the first month lounging around it together. He hops up the stairs two at a time to get to Baekhyun's floor, pulling out his key and opening the door.

Sehun freezes when he sees Baekhyun curled up on the living room floor against the wall, tears running and flowers surrounding him. The broken boy looks up at him and his eyes go wide and he manages to say "Sehun," before he makes a horrible choking noise and looks away.

Sehun feels numb as he rushes towards him, sinking down on the floor next to him as he hacks terribly into his hand. Sehun wraps his arms around him and pulls him in as his body is wracked with the horrible coughs and he holds him tightly. Sehun is starting to panic when he thinks about how long it's been since he's breathed when it subsides and he falls against Sehun's body, breathing heavily.

They don't say anything but Baekhyun holds his hand out, his fist closed and holding something tightly. His hand is shaking and Sehun is still in too much shock to make a move.

When Baekhyun opens his hand, small yellow flower petals float down to the ground and make more of a mess where lots of them are gathered around him. Sehun finally puts the pieces together in his head and gasps.

"They're because of you," Baekhyun mutters, his voice weak and shaky, hoarse from the coughing before he goes completely limp in Sehun's arms, unconscious and leaving Sehun to his racing thoughts. 

_Where is your Baekhyun now?_

❁❁❁

When Baekhyun wakes the next morning, his limbs are heavy and he groans, wanting nothing more than to just sleep again. However, he had a pounding headache that absolutely refused to do him any favors, so he sat up begrudgingly and rubbed at his eyes. 

He can't remember much of the other night except for being surrounded by booze and sighs. He regrets it just as much as he knew he would when he had taken the first sip and ignores the unsettling feeling in his stomach, either from the hangover or from the disease that's taken over every part of his being. Baekhyun doesn't know which one.

He feels like shit but still gets up, ruffling his hair a little and trudging out of the room into the main part of his apartment, fully expecting to be completely alone but he's proven wrong. His eyes widen when he sees Sehun with a trash bag full of flower petals, scooping them up off of the floor. Baekhyun sucks in a breath and Sehun looks at him, his pretty brown eyes red-rimmed and swimming with sadness, proving what Baekhyun had hoped wasn't true.

"You found out?" He asks and the air is tense as Sehun looks away, down into the trash bag full of the yellow petals, only stained by the blood that Baekhyun had coughed up with them. Neither boy says anything and Baekhyun panics, cursing himself for getting so drunk he let Sehun find out and didn't remember it. 

It's silent and the air thickens.

"You love me?" Sehun asks, and when he looks up at Baekhyun, the tears have spilled over. They're the only flaws on him in Baekhyun's eyes.

Baekhyun doesn't know what to say and he looks down at his feet. His heart pounds in his ears and the moment is surreal as he realizes how long he's been waiting for this. Through years of acting as his translator in school, through years of playing in the flower shop, through years of going up to the treehouse and filling it with flowers, and more. 

He's loved Sehun from the moment he saw him.

"Yes," Baekhyun whispers, and it's so quiet that he's shocked Sehun hears it. He doesn't know why, but there’s tears going down his cheeks too.

"Baekhyunnie, I-"

"Stop," Baekhyun says because he knows where this is going and he thinks if he hears it, he'll lose it. They're silent again both of the boys silently crying.

"I didn't know," is all Sehun says before he turns away and continues to pick up the stray flower petals. 

Baekhyun hides in his room for the rest of the day. He doesn't hear it when the door opens and Sehun leaves.

❁❁❁

_"What is this... hanakahaki disease?" A 16 year old Sehun asks curiously after Baekhyun says something one day._

_"Hanahaki disease, silly," Baekhyun corrects with a soft smile. "It's some ultra rare disease where you love a person and they don't love you back so you start throwing up flower petals. My mom always told me sad stories about it. I think it's a myth."_

_Sehun makes a face._

_"Definitely a myth. Can you imagine letting flower petals kill you?" Sehun asks incredulously. Baekhyun looks at him and shrugs._

_"Would be a good story to tell, wouldn't it?" He says._

❁❁❁

"Jongin, help me," Sehun whimpers through the phone when she finally picks up. He'd been calling her desperately for the past ten minutes, because he can't think of anyone else to talk to, no one else who would listen.

_How did I not notice?_

"Sehun, what's wrong?" She asks worriedly through the phone and Sehun tries to open his mouth but no words come out. He just lets out a broken sound and cries alone in the driver's seat of his car with no one to hear him.

Jongin doesn't say anything and just listens, saying sweet nothings through the phone as he cries. He thinks he can hear her open a door, probably getting in her car. 

"Sehun," she calls his name softly again when his cries subside to nothing more than his soft breathing.

"I'm terrified," Sehun admits, his voice shaky. He's squeezing the wheel again even though he's not moving. The thoughts keep whirling in his head and the tight grip he has is the only thing making him feel somewhat grounded.

_What if he dies because of me?_

"What did you do?" Jongin asks and her voice is getting more and more worried. Sehun's breathing picks up and he can't think anymore, he can't think of anything but Baekhyun and oh God he's really screwed up now.

"I made Baekhyun fall in love with me," He breathes through the phone. Everything feels so so wrong.

"And I think he's gonna die because of it."

❁❁❁

Sehun explains everything over the phone and Jongin tells him to meet her at her apartment after they hang up. Sehun drove shakily there, still shocked from everything, but now as he sits on her couch, he gapes at her and at the words that just fell from her mouth.

"What?"

"That's right. I'm telling you to break up with me."

He's numb all over but his heart is thumping in his ears again. This is truly too much for him over the course of two days and he's just so emotionally drained. He doesn't want to process it.

Jongin stands up and walks away, going to the counter to make more coffee probably but Sehun is still in shock.

"Jongin-ah-"

"Sehun, stop."

"But-"

"Sehun!"

She slams her palm against the counter and he's silent. When he turns to look at her, she's glaring at him but it's not with anger. There's sadness inside those eyes, and Sehun for some reason has the feeling that this sadness is years old.

"I told you about what happened! I didn't cause this! Jongin, please-" Sehun starts rambling, but she flashes him another dangerous look right before she explodes.

"I'm not going to stay with you while you kill a man just because he loves you as much as, or even more than I do!" She yells, spitting the words at him like venom and they echo off the walls. Her anger radiates and she looks as mentally exhausted as he feels. Her eyes soften as she looks at him.

"I know it's not your fault. You don't know what this disease is like, Sehunnie," she says and she sounds tired. He can't tell why. They're silent and she runs a hand through her hair as she sighs, collecting herself. In just that simple moment, he's reminded of her beauty and he wants to break down.

He can't lose her. He wishes it wasn't like this.

"Jongin, how do you know? It's practically a myth," Sehun says. 

When she looks at him again, her eyes are filled with tears.

"Because I had it too."

❁❁❁

_In high school, the most important thing to Jongin was Kyungsoo Do._

_He was so quiet, but he was surprisingly amusing when he spoke, saying witty and intelligent things that Jongin treasured. He had messy black hair that fell in all directions. He was a fairly small boy - he was shorter than her, anyway - and he had wide eyes that gave away his emotions. His features looked almost unfriendly but Jongin prided herself on the way they squished so happily when she could make him smile._

_She hadn't meant to fall in love with him. But she did - she fell in love with him through the chemistry lessons they had together and the careful handling he always would use to conduct their experiments. She fell in love during the times they would sit together to study and with the way he would talk, all geeky and excited about science she never cared for. She fell in love as she watched the way his eyes would sparkle when he spoke to her. She fell in love with the way he was guarded with everybody but her._

_She didn't even know how her heart had betrayed her until her body did it as well - she soon was spending her lunch breaks in the bathroom, puking up soft blue flower petals and being so terrified she was shaking. She longed the most for Kyungsoo, for the boy her heart yearned for and who she needed the most but she was terrified to say anything to him._

_Maybe her hesitance was the reason it ended the way it did._

_Her mother found her in her bedroom months later, unconscious and not breathing, the flowers having finally taken their ultimate toll in her lungs. She was rushed to the hospital with little time to spare on the brink of death._

_When Jongin awoke from her surgery, her chest ached like she hadn't thought possible. She felt like someone had ripped her heart out and the tears began to flow before she even fully opened her eyes. She reached for her chest, trying desperately to rid herself of the terrible pain, ripping out tubes as she went._

_A horrible scream filled her ears and all she knew was the doctor's hands on her and the door slamming shut. A siren went off somewhere nearby and she only realized then that the horrible scream was coming from her, but the pain threatened to rip her from the inside out and her chest burned, burned, burned. Then she felt a needle stab into her side and she's unconscious before she can comprehend anything else._

_Jongin ended up finishing high school, but Kyungsoo no longer talked to her. When he caught sight of her, he paled and ran. Jongin could remember everything and she knew with everything in her that it should hurt terribly, but even with all of the memories they had made together fresh in her head and the feeling of the acid in her throat as she threw up the petals still fresh in her memory, she was numb. Her heart refused to hurt, no matter how she tried._

_And when Kyungsoo Do appeared on Jongin's doorstep a year later, begging on his knees with hot tears running down his cheeks that he had been too late to love her, Jongin couldn't find it in herself to feel anything. She looked in the eyes of her previous lover, the one that had hurt her with everything she had, who had almost left her dead, and broke his heart on an otherwise quiet Saturday night under the stars. She shut the door and never saw him again._

_And even now, years afterwards, she still can't feel the pain in her heart or bring herself to cry._

❁❁❁

Sehun can't think of the right word to describe what he feels.

Terrified is definitely a good one to describe the fear that cuts into his heart whenever he thinks of his best friend and the way he had fallen unconscious in his arms, victim to the flowers Sehun had caused him. He can't imagine a world without Baekhyun and he never thought he'd have to face it without him before.

Empty is another that comes to mind when he thinks of Jongin and the way the tears had flown down her cheeks as they yelled at each other in their apartment room, both hearts breaking but neither being able to fix it. He feels empty when he thinks of her beauty that he still sees so strong in her even when she hates him (which he has no reason to believe that she doesn't now).

But he decides that right now, he feels mostly helpless. He wants nothing more than to take his love that still lingers for Jongin and give it all to Baekhyun. He wants nothing more than to end the heartbreak that settles over him and nothing more than to save his best friend. 

But love is a funny thing, isn't it? You don't get to choose who you love. You don't get to choose when you love. You just feel it, and it takes over you and you have no way to stop it.

Sehun knows this. It's the cause of his now constant tears and constant helplessness.

_How did it get like this?_

❁❁❁

Sehun walks back in the crisp night air to his apartment building from his car with his coat wrapped tightly around him and a tired expression on. The night sky is normally gorgeous to him, with its never ending dark canvas and the twinkling beacons of lights that are the stars decorating it. But it feels artificial today when he looks at it. He feels like he's suffocating under the dark sky, its blackness feeling like it's ready to crush him under its clutches at any moment, the stars and the lanterns that are lit on the empty streets doing nothing to help his claustrophobic feelings.

When he reaches his door, he sighs as he unlocks it, ready for another sleepless night of racing thoughts. He trips over something and gasps, grabbing onto the door and catching himself from nearly following. He curses under his breath and looks down at the floor. 

There's a bouquet of flowers on his doorstep. His heart skips a beat as he bends down to look at the plants. All of the flowers are the same, arranged in a bunch all together that doesn't seem like it was done by Baekhyun. The petals are all the same soft blue.

He picks up the note hanging from the side, the stationery clearly from Baekhyun's flower shop but it's not penned in his handwriting. Sehun immediately recognizes the cramped penmanship as Jongin's, and it's so similar to the way she would write all over her sheet music that his heart gives another pang of sadness.

_These are the same flowers that almost killed me. Don't let the same thing happen to Baekhyun. I love you, Sehun, but I will never be the reason a good person is killed from the same disease that I suffered from._

_You might not be able to, but please, Sehun. Please save him._

_Jongin_

Sehun finds himself sitting outside his apartment door in front of those flowers much longer than he expected. The note in his hand becomes crumpled and stained with his tears as he reads it over and over. Sehun has grown tired of tears, but they are all he has as his world crumbles around him.

_Is it the sky or everything you're going through that's suffocating you?_

❁❁❁

Baekhyun doesn't know if this is better or worse.

It's been almost three weeks since Sehun found him and he's always around now. Baekhyun can see that he's genuinely trying, but it's not enough. Sehun will stay in his apartment with him and hold him close and he'll sleep in his bed with him some nights like they did as kids but it's not enough. He can still feel the stares go through him when Sehun thinks he's not looking or see the flash of fear go through him when Baekhyun runs into the bathroom for another attack.

He feels like he's going through the motions and everything is artificial; Sehun is there, Sehun accepts his love but really, what choice does he have? Sehun will run his hands through his hair and hold him like he always wanted, but does it really mean anything? Baekhyun's heart races a mile a minute whenever he's nearby but he can see he doesn't have the same effect on him.

And they both know if that doesn't change, one of them will die.

Baekhyun never wanted to force Sehun to do anything. He would much rather Sehun be happy with someone else then stuck with him but the world just doesn't like him and he's come to accept it nowadays.

They lay cuddled together on the couch, a blanket over them both and Sehun holding Baekhyun close. He still doesn't know how he feels throughout whatever it is they're doing. He's never thought gender would matter for any relationship he might have and it's Baekhyun in his arms, of all people.

But it's not love that holds him close. It's the fear that he will escape his grasp in the blink of an eye that has Sehun having nightmares in his sleep and holding onto him so tight.

The television runs some mindless cartoon, the sound effects becoming white noise in the room as Sehun looks down at Baekhyun. His breathing had long since evened out and the boy had gone limp in Sehun's arms a while ago, peacefully asleep. It's shocking to see him like this, without him looking so wore out or dull. Sehun can tell now how much smaller Baekhyun is when their bodies are so close together or how much paler he's gotten. Guilt stirs in his stomach as he recognizes the hunger and need to sleep that must overtake him constantly. Are the flowers really that bad?

"Baekhyunnie," Sehun whispers, running his fingers through the other boy's hair. The strands are soft in his touch. A feeling washes through him as they sit there and Sehun can't tell what it is but the boy laying under him is proof enough that it's not love. He whispers the next words in an almost broken voice because he's hanging by a thread.

"I'm sorry."

❁❁❁

"Do you really want to go?" Baekhyun says, his eyes lit up and voice full of more happiness than he's felt in a long time. Sehun smiles when he sees his friend's giddiness. He hands him the two plane tickets in his hand and laughs.

"Of course! I wouldn't buy a trip to New York for anyone, would I?" Sehun asks and Baekhyun jumps on him, wrapping his arms around the other and Sehun laughs as he holds him. 

Baekhyun is small, just like Jongin was in Sehun's arms, but Sehun has been staying with him for long enough to know that the two are not alike. For the first few weeks, whenever he saw Baekhyun, he saw Jongin's smile and laugh and he felt his heart ring for her and wished with everything in him that it would stop. That he could replace that love he had for her for his best friend. He almost feels like the cursed one when he thinks about the feat he has to accomplish, about how he would have to change what his heart beats for. 

But when he sees Baekhyun's bright smile, he notices that he is beautiful. His messy hair flops in his face and he still looks tired and worn, but he is strong. He can still smile and cry and he still giggles a little occasionally and he's gone through so much that Sehun wonders how he didn't notice before. Baekhyun is not Jongin in any way, and he can't piece together why he couldn't see Baekhyun for the person he was until now. Baekhyun is glowing as he grasps onto the two plane tickets tightly in his hand and hugs him again. Sehun's heart skips a beat when he realizes what his racing thoughts must mean.

He doesn't hurt as bad anymore when he thinks of the pretty flute player who had captivated him. He will hold emotional scars for her forever, just like anyone who was once in love will. But he's thinking less and less of what could be and what isn't. 

Instead of the tears he had had before, he goes to bed with hope in his heart that night.

❁❁❁

"I never liked the pressurized air on airplanes," Baekhyun says as he hands Sehun his backpack to put in the overhead compartment and wrinkles his nose. Sehun nods in agreement and they sit down, neither of them particularly happy to be on the flight.

"I hate flying," Sehun says, trying to recline his chair and sighing when it barely moves past a couple of inches. Baekhyun laughs as he groans and closes his eyes.

"Good luck sleeping on this thing," Baekhyun says and Sehun just groans again without further comment. 

Sehun pulls his cap down over his eyes and crosses his arms, not moving as he begins to try to sleep. Baekhyun's eyes linger a little too long on him before he peels them away and stares at the window. There's men on the ground getting the plane ready for the flight and other planes in front of the surrounding gates. There's not much of a view and Baekhyun turns away from it too.

He decides to watch a movie on the tablet that's built into the plane and settles on Harry Potter. The first few 20 minutes flash by on the screen but Baekhyun is exhausted and long asleep by the time it finishes. He leans his head on Sehun's shoulder and is out like a light.

What he doesn't know is that Sehun is still awake when Baekhyun finally falls asleep on him and can't help but smile when he turns and sees the boy's hair ruffled and rubbing slightly against his neck. He's careful not to wake him as he sleeps too and the boys stay together like that, peaceful and calm.

When Baekhyun wakes, he can't breathe.

His eyes snap open wide and he tries desperately to pull in a breath but he can't. His heart races and his chest is tight and he tugs harshly on the seatbelt he's strapped into, panicked. He yanks it off and stands, turning and stepping over Sehun with a hand over his mouth. He's never been more thankful than he is now that their seats are right next to the airplane bathroom and he opens and slams the door behind him, hacking in his hand the second he is out of sight.

Tears spill out of his eyes as he coughs and coughs, trying desperately to inhale even one breath but it's no use. His lungs are burning and he's really panicking now, his thoughts racing that maybe this is the end when he finally coughs out the long string of petals that were blocking his airway. The acid in his throat burns as he vomits the petals up, his heart still beating wildly. It's over and he collapses on the bathroom floor.

He's more exhausted than he's ever been before and shocked at what happened. It had never been like that before, so close to him completely losing consciousness. He'd never thought he'd die choking on flower petals but it frightens him more than he thought possible. He closes his eyes and takes in the sweet air deeply.

"Baekhyun?" There's a panicked voice on the other side of the door and Baekhyun startles. He tries to open his mouth to respond but coughs again when he chokes on something other than his words. 

When his coughing stops, he pulls his hand away from his mouth and looks at the blood that now stains his skin. Baekhyun grimaces at the iron taste in his mouth and tries to wipe away any blood that still surrounded his mouth.

"Baekhyun?" The voice calls again and Baekhyun turns and opens the small plane door. Sehun tumbles in and they're in uncomfortable proximity to each other in the cramped space but Sehun doesn't seem to care.

"You woke me up and I knew what it had to be," His eyes aren't so wide with fear anymore but they are swimming in guilt, a guilt that Baekhyun tries to ignore but it settles in his heart. 

Sehun seems to notice in that moment the blood on Baekhyun's hand and grabs him by the wrist to pull it up to the light and get a better look. His eyes are wide again and Baekhyun looks down at the floor. It doesn't help as now he only has the view of the flower petals scattered on the otherwise clean airplane floor.

"Did you cough up blood?" Sehun asks incredulously and Baekhyun nods, not wanting to look up and see his expression. 

"Oh God, we should see a doctor or something, do you know how bad that is? Baekhyun, we-" Sehun rambles and his voice wavers with nerves but Baekhyun pulls away from his grip and turns on the sink faucet, cupping the water and bringing it to his mouth to sip it. He swishes the water in his mouth and spits it out, watching the water pink with blood go down the drain. He looks up at Sehun with a look.

"Sehunnie, do I have any blood now?" He asks and looks down again. He knows he shouldn't be doing this and that Sehun's right, but they're on a plane to New York and Baekhyun wants to think less about how close he is to dying and more about his new chance to live.

Sehun is silenced by that and when Baekhyun meets his eyes again something passes between them noticeably. Sehun seems close to tears but Baekhyun wipes the stray one that falls onto his cheek, his facial expression unmoving. They've seen each other cry too much to count since the night Sehun first found him surrounded by flowers.

The silence is heavy until Sehun's voice breaks.

"I don't want you to die, you know that? If I could do anything, I would-" 

Baekhyun hushes him again and this time he falls silent easily. His vision is blurred by tears threatening to fall but he blinks them away quickly. 

They both know how true Sehun's words are. They also both know that words are useless. 

The only thing that can fix Baekhyun is Sehun's heart.

After a few more minutes, they both head back out to their seats and fall silent for the rest of the flight. They both pretend to go asleep again but neither is truly able to, swimming in their own thoughts and regrets as they fly above the clouds.

❁❁❁

There’s nothing quite as endearing as Baekhyun when he first arrives to New York.

Sehun decides this as they step out of the plane and Baekhyun has one of the brightest smiles he's ever seen. The shorter boy looks around at the airport with wonder in his eyes and talks excitedly every time he sees a souvenir he wants or a picture of a place he wants to visit. Baekhyun switches back and forth between Korean and English so fast that Sehun doesn't think he realizes he's doing it, making the people in the gift shops look at them funny.

Baekhyun talks animatedly with the taxi driver as they pull away from the airport, leaving Sehun to close his tired eyes one more time before they arrive at the hotel. He's not able to get much sleep though, as every time the driver points out something new, Baekhyun makes an excited noise and slaps Sehun's arm to get him to look at it.

Baekhyun's bouncing around, all signs of sleep gone as the taxi driver finally pulls their luggage out of the trunk and they enter their hotel lobby.

"Sehun-ah, we're here! I wanna go to the Empire State Building tonight and then we can go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art tomorrow, they have so much artwork and stuff from different cultures- Ooh, and we can go around Central Park and take the subway and-"

"Baekhyun!" Sehun chuckles as the other boy's rambling stops and he opens the door to their hotel room. It's nothing much, being quite cramped with two beds, a television, and a closet all within a step of each other, but it's nice enough. Baekhyun walks in from behind Sehun and pulls his luggage to the corner of the room.

"Sehun, Sehun, Sehun," He begs and pleads as Sehun opens his own luggage and starts organizing. He has to admit that the other boy's groaning is cute like a small child who is just anxious to see everything and maybe he is teasing him a little.

Sehun's putting clothes away and purposely only acknowledges Baekhyun's whines when he's finally tucked away the last pair of jeans.

"Baekhyun, do you want to go to the Empire State Building tonight?" He asks out of the blue and when the other boy looks at him brightly and nods excitedly, Sehun can't help but smile too.

❁❁❁

The two boys walk in the streets of New York, holding hands and in awe of the buildings surrounding them and the people walking by. The sky is tainted from the sunset above them and It truly is like nothing they've ever seen before, having grown up in a suburb together. The everyday noises of the cars going by, the store doors opening, and the people talking are a sweet background track playing in their ears, and Baekhyun definitely thinks he could get used to this.

They end up having to wait for the long line through the Empire State Building to finish before they take two elevator rides up and are placed on the viewing deck. The sun has set by now and they can see out the windows that the sky is black and can see the faraway city lights. 

"Oh, Sehun, come on!" Baekhyun exclaims the second they walk a little closer and can see more. They exit the door onto the outside deck and are immediately surrounded by the city lights and the dark sky above them.

Baekhyun gasps when he gets closer to the edge and holds onto the rail as he looks over. It's breathtaking truly, a city of lights beneath him always bustling and the sounds far away but still loud enough to hear. He had found Manhattan mesmerizing from the ground, but when he saw it from above he could see the sheer size of the island and how alive it is.

He doesn't notice what Sehun's doing until he sees a flash go off on the bars next to him and he turns around to see Sehun with a camera against his face and a smirk on his lips.

"Where'd you get the camera?" Baekhyun asks with a smile. Sehun shakes it in the air a little then beckons Baekhyun to come and see the photo.

"I got it at the airport while you weren't looking," He replies and Baekhyun shakes his head. To be honest, he's not surprised that Sehun had managed to buy something without him knowing while he was freaking out about the fact that they had landed. 

"Look," Sehun says and turns the camera so Baekhyun can see. It's a pretty black and white photo of Baekhyun with his back turned to the camera, him looking out and the city lights in the distance. Baekhyun makes a sound of approval and Sehun smiles.

Baekhyun can't help but think that even though the city lights are gorgeous, Sehun's smile might be a little bit more beautiful.

❁❁❁

They've arrived at their hotel with tired feet, having gotten just a little lost on the way and taking lots of detours. Sehun puts his camera on the bed and sighs, flopping onto the mattress next to him. He expects Baekhyun to do the same on the opposite bed but he doesn't see the other boy walk into view. Sehun gets up in confusion to look for him when he hears retching noises in the bathroom and grimaces, his heart pumping and a wave of fear going through him.

He doesn't move and listens until the noises stop and there's silence throughout the room. Sehun knows that Baekhyun's fine even though he hasn't walked out of the other room yet, another wave of guilt weighing down on his shoulders.

When Baekhyun does appear, his face is pale and he wipes his mouth with his sleeve, looking down at it. Sehun can't meet his eyes so he focuses on the television, the black screen not playing anything as he stares at it.

"Was there blood?" Sehun asks, looking to see Baekhyun's response. He shakes his head and Sehun can sigh a little with relief but his stomach still twists uncomfortably like it always does.

The atmosphere changes to a much more solemn heavy one as Sehun continues staring into the distance and Baekhyun crosses across the room to sit on the other bed. Neither boy says anything even though they both probably should. There's a heavy silence that falls over the two. Sehun rolls onto his back and stares up at the ceiling.

"Can you sleep with me tonight?" Baekhyun asks in a small voice and that catches Sehun's attention enough to look at him. The dying boy looks especially small with his skin still an unhealthy tone from his sickness and staring at him with questioning eyes, his sweater huge on his thin body. 

Sehun nods and turns, feeling the mattress sink with Baekhyun's weight as he sits down on the other side and as he positions himself to lie down next to him. Neither of them move.

Then, Sehun turns around and their faces are so close to each other that Baekhyun takes in a shaky breath. Their eyes are searching each other's for something in their depths but Sehun doesn't want Baekhyun's gaze on him any longer. He reaches forward and wraps an arm around the other boy, pulling him in close. 

Baekhyun ducks his head and rests it against Sehun's chest, his hair tickling Sehun's neck a little. Sehun can feel his hot breath as Baekhyun lays close to him and they fit together so sweetly, their legs entangling under the covers and their arms wrapped around each other.

Baekhyun drifts off quickly, his breathing evening out and his skin becoming warm against Sehun's from their contact. Sehun finds it much harder to sleep, their position growing slightly uncomfortable after a while and he's certain his leg is falling asleep, but he can endure it for Baekhyun, who's sleeping so peacefully.

And it just might also have to do with how his heartbeat quickens at their close proximity and he feels strangely warm all over. He sighs into Baekhyun's hair and closes his eyes, listening to the other's breathing until he too drifts off into darkness.

❁❁❁

The two boys enter the huge marble building that looks otherwise out of place on the street neatly lined with apartments. It looks much older than everything else and has a grand feeling to it, a big banner hanging across the top that reads, 'Metropolitan Museum of Art'.

It had been Sehun's idea to take Baekhyun to an art museum for a more relaxing type of sightseeing and since both of them had a bit of a soft spot for it. But Sehun hadn't imagined this when they walked inside, the lobby already looking extremely beautiful with it's high ceiling and large staircases leading inward to the exhibits.

Baekhyun holds Sehun hands and pulls him inside once they have a guide and map and are all set. They head straight towards the different Egyptian art galleries and the Greek and Roman ones too, Sehun holding onto his camera tightly and taking pictures of everything, in awe of the different sculptures and artifacts.

The galleries themselves are breathtakingly beautiful and open, and Baekhyun has an adorable look on his face as he looks at the different pieces with wide eyes full of wonder in them. Sehun knows he probably has a similar expression on his face. It's hard not to.

Hours later, they find themselves lost in the European paintings, walking through rooms and rooms of paintings hanging on the walls by long dead artists who left behind legacies. Sehun finds it funny how Baekhyun seems to lean towards the paintings of scenes in nature, most of them done by an artist named Claude Monet that Sehun faintly remembers studying in school.

"Do you remember studying Monet?" Sehun asks as Baekhyun looks closely at a particular painting of a bridge over a pond of water lilies. 

"Yes, but I didn't pay attention," Baekhyun says, not looking away from the art. "I didn't realize how beautiful it was until now."

Baekhyun startles when he hears a clicking noise and something flashes in his face. He blinks and when his vision clears again, he sees Sehun with a wide grin.

"Did you take a picture of me again?" Baekhyun asks cheekily.

"Maybe," Sehun says and laughs when Baekhyun smacks him lightly. "Now I have a picture of something even more beautiful than the paintings."

Baekhyun immediately gets the implication and blushes deeply, staring down at his feet and listening to Sehun's sweet laugh at him. His heart races from the compliment.

"Why don't we keep going?" Sehun asks and takes his hand again. 

There's something incredible sweet in the way the two of them have been holding hands so much in the few days they've been here. Their fingers are gently intertwined and Sehun massages Baekhyun's hand with his thumb as he leads him away towards another room. Baekhyun knows he shouldn't get his hopes up but it's hard not to.

Especially when for the first time since his disease had begun, it feels like a little bit of the world has been lifted off his shoulders and he can breathe just a little easier now.

❁❁❁

They leave the museum around mid-afternoon when the sun is at its highest peak in the sky and is so bright that Baekhyun's eyes hurt when he steps outside. They're not done for the day yet and walk a little ways down Fifth Avenue where they had been to continue exploring the city.

Baekhyun tries to ignore the intense thumping of his heart as they walk and Sehun still has a loose grip on his hand, but it's difficult when he realizes that he's showing everyone they pass that Baekhyun belongs to him. He realizes again as they continue to stroll that very few people give them a look when they see their intertwined fingers and some even pass by. It goes to say what the New Yorkers see on a regular basis when the two men holding hands is so easily overlooked.

Baekhyun gasps when they turn in through a gate and begin walking and suddenly they're no longer surrounded by buildings but by trees. A long winding path is below their feet and the plants around them are lush shades of green. The city sounds and sights become more and more distant as they walk, replaced by birds chirping and the squirrels scurrying up the tree trunks.

The forest path leads into a clearing, the trees opening up to reveal a long meadow of green grass and people sitting on the large rocks nearby and dogs chasing after sticks thrown by their owners. It's a peaceful sight and even though he can now see the tops of the city buildings over the trees, Baekhyun still feels like he's entered another world.

"Welcome to Central Park," Sehun says and Baekhyun can't help but smile.

They sit together on one of the larger rocks by the path to rest their tired feet and have a quick bite to eat and Baekhyun lays down, looking up at the blue sky. There's not a cloud in sight and he wonders how he hadn't noticed that before.

Suddenly he feels something nudge his feet and he sits up to stare right into the big eyes of a little white dog, his tongue hanging out and ears perked up happily. He has a collar on and a leash dragging behind him, making Baekhyun think that maybe he had escaped from an unsuspecting owner. Baekhyun laughs as the dog stares at him but doesn't know what the animal wants until he looks across to his backpack. He'd left his unfinished sandwich laying out on top of it and the dog is sitting suspiciously closer to it.

"I think he wants your sandwich," Sehun chuckles besides him and Baekhyun laughs, fully sitting up so he can reach over and opens the sandwich bag, pulling it out and taking out the remaining piece of ham.

"Oh, are you hungry, buddy?" Baekhyun says happily to the pup, who wags his tail in response. He holds it out to the dog who happily takes it from his hand and eats it quickly. The dog licks his lips with his little tongue before sticking it out of his mouth again and panting, still staring expectantly at Baekhyun. He laughs and rubs his head, making the pup look a little happier.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" A young man not much older than either of them runs up, looking out of breath. Baekhyun smiles at him warmly.

"My dog's leash slipped out of my hand and he ran," He explains out of breath. The dog turns at the sound of its owner and jumps, putting his front paws on his owner's shirt, his tail wagging happily.

"He's a little too friendly with strangers," the owner says again but Baekhyun just nods. The owner picks up the pup and holds him in his arms, rubbing his head as it pants and lets out a happy bark. Baekhyun laughs.

"No worries. What's your name?" Baekhyun asks. The owner gives him a warm smile, his eyes becoming cute half moons just like Sehun's does when he smiles.

"Jongdae," Jongdae says and puts the dog down once he has the leash firmly in his hand again. He bends over and holds out his hand for Baekhyun to shake before doing the same with Sehun.

After they introduce themselves, they wave goodbye to each other but not until after the little dog jumps on Baekhyun and licks his face happily, much to the despair of an embarrassed Jongdae who apologizes endlessly, even after Baekhyun gives the animal one more pet before he leaves. He secretly takes it as a thanks from the dog for the lunchmeat.

"Well, that was eventful," Sehun says and they both laugh. Baekhyun has always had a soft spot for dogs.

Sehun can't seem to shake off the feeling of how his insides had twisted and his heart had skipped a beat when Baekhyun's laugh had rung through the air when he had met the puppy.

"Well, you know, this isn't all of Central Park. I've heard there's actually a castle a little ways up ahead," Sehun says and he grins when Baekhyun turns with wide eyes and a surprised expression.

"A castle? You're joking," Baekhyun says but when Sehun shakes his head, Baekhyun gets all giddy again.

"What are we waiting for? Hurry up, let's go!"

❁❁❁

The two boys arrive right in front of Belvedere Castle, a small stone castle sitting right on the edge of a lake, the water so clear that it shows a reflection of the building. The night sky and trees are a perfect backdrop for the stone structure, the stars twinkling around the tallest turret. Baekhyun is in absolute awe. He would have never thought there would be an actual castle in the middle of the city and now that it's here he's convinced he's somehow fallen into a different world.

"Do you want to go up?" Sehun says and Baekhyun turns and nods eagerly. They flash each other smiles and Sehun pulls him by the hand around the stone towards the entrance.

It's a small gateway that leads to a room with stone walls and a low hanging ceiling. There's not many people inside since the sun has set, the only ones being a couple by one wall looking out the window.

Baekhyun spots a staircase in the corner and walks towards it, pulling Sehun behind him. It's small and cramped, so much that Sehun has to walk behind Baekhyun and it winds around the turret until they reach the landing. 

It's another floor but this time you can walk right out to an area with no ceiling and Baekhyun heads straight there. He walks to the edge right up next to the rail and leans on it, looking out at the view.

The lake extends out in front of them and you can see the grass and trees beyond that as well from their elevated position. The city is far away, but the buildings are still visible, reminding them that they are indeed still inside Manhattan even though it seems impossible. When Baekhyun looks up, he's certain the stars shine the brightest here where there are no street lamps or car lights - they extend forever, so many that Baekhyun can't imagine counting them and it's breathtaking.

He's so captivated that he doesn't hear Sehun walk up to him but he feels his hand rest on his and looks down. Baekhyun looks up to see Sehun, who is taken by the view as well, his eyes twinkling in the darkness and his skin pale in the moonlight.

Baekhyun realizes then that they're completely alone and he's glad for the darkness as he feels his cheeks go red and bites his lip from nerves.

They're silent until Sehun speaks up.

"I think this is my favorite part of New York," he says quietly. There's no one around so he could speak as loud as he wants, but he still speaks in a voice barely above a whisper. It feels like a secret only for Baekhyun's ears and he smiles.

"Are you sure we're still in New York?" Baekhyun replies and Sehun chuckles. The other boy closes his eyes and listens around him, a small smile still on his lips. Baekhyun turns away and does the same and suddenly the noises become much louder. He can hear the wind whistling through the trees and the birds chirping. He can even hear the water as it rides up on the rocks by the castle.

"Baekhyun," Sehun says and he's still quiet, but his voice seems more excited. Baekhyun opens his eyes and looks at him and he has wide eyes like he's alarmed. Baekhyun gives him a confused look.

"Baekhyun, have you thrown up flowers at all today?" He asks and Baekhyun's heart stops.

_He hadn't._

For the first time in close to three months, he hadn't coughed up the flower petals he had been plagued with _for an entire day._

"Oh my God," Sehun whispers and Baekhyun is speechless. They look at each other and Baekhyun searches for something in his eyes, shocked. Sehun's eyes well up with tears as he looks at him and he grasps his hand tightly, like if he let go it would be a dream. It feels that way to Baekhyun too.

"Am I-"

"You are."

Sehun throws himself at Baekhyun and suddenly their lips are pressed together and Baekhyun's eyes widen in shock. He relaxes and closes them as Sehun's arms snake around him and pull him close, kissing him deeply, his heart beating wildly in his chest.

For years he had dreamed of this, had dreamed of pressing his lips against Sehun's, of cuddling with him at night, and holding him close because he was Baekhyun's. Now that it's finally happening, neither of them seem to be able to get enough and they pull each other ever closer. 

When they pull apart, Sehun pulls him into a hug and Baekhyun doesn't realize he has tears running down his cheeks until he blinks and his vision is blurred. He lets out a broken laugh and Sehun does too, and they hold each other closer than ever.

"You're not gonna die," Sehun whispers into his ear and Baekhyun's heart races again. He's hyper aware of his breathing and his heart and Sehun, the boy who nearly killed him but saved him as well.

"I won't let you."

Baekhyun lets out a sob and his emotions are running wild. All he knows is that he won't have to suffer from heartbreak any longer, he won't have to hide a disease any longer. He won't have to worry when he'll go to sleep and never wake up again.

In a haven of nature in the heart of New York on top of a castle, two boys fell in love and found that their hearts beat for each other. Heartbreak no longer leads to death and love will be either our savior or our demise. In the end, we just have to find our other half.

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, I'd like to thank the Sebaek Kingdom ficfest mods for this opportunity! I'd also like to thank my beta! I hope you enjoyed this! The meanings of the flowers were taken off of [this website](http://www.buzzle.com/articles/flowers-meanings-list-of-flowers-and-their-meanings.html) and I do not know how true they are. If you think the meaning is wrong, please tell me so I can correct it.


End file.
